Allie Darr of Tennessee welcomed her sixth child, a girl, with relief and wonder after five boys and three ᴍɪsᴄᴀʀʀɪᴀɢᴇs. Looking back on the journey, the mother wants women to know that they are capable of moving forward despite fear, grief and ʟᴏss because “there is still so much beauty waiting for them.”
Darr already had two sons when she ᴍɪsᴄᴀʀʀɪᴇᴅ the first time, but it was very early in the pregnancy, at seven weeks, so the ʟᴏss hit her the hardest, not the rest of the family. However, later, when she and her husband, Jordan, were parents to four boys, they suffered an even more tr.a.gic ʟᴏss.
In the twentieth week of pregnancy, Allie was forced to give birth to a baby boy, Henry, whom she knew before the birth would be sᴛɪʟʟʙᴏʀɴ. The tests found that the fetus had no heartbeat.
The entire family felt this tra.g.edy and mourned the little boy together. Jordan was by his wife’s side when she gave birth to the lifeless baby, holding Henry in her arms. But the children also felt the ʟᴏss.
“He had a name, the kids knew he was on the way,” Allie said.
Allie and her husband talked a lot about what happened, tried to understand why they had to go through all this, and prayed a lot with the children to cope with the ʟᴏss. This period was especially difficult for Allie, she was angry with her body and the whole world.
“I tried to find the good in all the bad we went through and started looking for the little moments every day that bring a little joy and remind us that life is still beautiful even if we have to go through hell,” recalled the mother.
After ʟᴏsɪɴɢ Henry, Allie was almost certain she would never have any more children, but to her surprise, she became pregnant again. Even though she was happy with the news, she was terrified of ʟᴏsɪɴɢ this baby as well.
“I think the fear of everything that happened before is at the forefront of your mind and you’re just waiting for it to happen again. It’s very stressful to get pregnant after such a ʟᴏss,” explained Allie.
However, this pregnancy was completely different from the previous one, and Allie tried to convince herself of that. “I told myself that this is not the same pregnancy, this is completely different, I am different too. This baby in my belly is completely different.” In addition, she prayed a lot and mentally tried to prepare for the worst, knowing that she had already managed to survive a ʟᴏss once.
“If it happens, I will probably survive again,” she said.
This time, however, everything was fine, and soon the couple’s fifth son, Teddy, was born. Then in 2020, Allie lost another baby, this time a boy. However, in 2021, she became pregnant again, and this time, to her greatest surprise, she was expecting a girl.
“I didn’t expect to ever have a daughter, I kind of closed that door. I was happy with our boys. And after you have five sons, if you get pregnant again, you say to yourself: it’s okay, I’ll have another son,” said the mother of six.
When a ʙʟᴏᴏᴅ test revealed she was expecting a girl, Allie was so surprised that she asked her ultrasound technician to confirm the news.
Finally, in September 2021, Darr’s daughter was born in Chattanooga, Tennessee, where the family had recently moved. The woman welcomed her baby girl with immense relief, but the moment was bittersweet as Allie had lost her mother just six weeks before her baby girl was born. Losing her mother and giving birth to her daughter felt like coming full circle for Darr.
Prayer helped the family through the difficulties. Although Allie wasn’t previously religious, she found faith as an adult, and said she trusted God completely and let him guide her through her pregnancies.
“I didn’t want to be anxious throughout the pregnancies. That’s why I put myself in God’s hands, went forward blindly and prayed for the best,” she said, adding that she tries to raise her children in such a way that they can have the kind of strong faith that she lacked in her childhood.
The couple is now happily raising their six children, whom they have been teaching at home for four years. Although homeschooling has made family life busier, it has also made scheduling easier, so they don’t have to get up as early in the morning. “Literally every day is complete chaos,” Allie said, adding that they’ve learned to keep things under control.
The mother likes that her sons can learn at their own pace and is also happy to see that they always try to help each other. She likes that the children are always close to her, and the boys enjoy the freedom – they can decide for themselves, for example, when to get up or what to wear that day. Parents also ensure that children play outside for at least an hour every day.
At the same time, the boys also adore their little sister and are much more attentive and quieter with her, behaving quite differently with her than they do with each other. “One of the best things about parenting is that there is never a dull moment. Something always happens,” says the mother.
Allie Darr is now over the ordeal and is now living a happy family life. She knows it can be scary to move on after a tragic loss, but she wants other women to know they don’t have to close their hearts.
“When you lose a baby, people just want to close that chapter and never want it to happen again. It’s like they want to keep their hearts safe. But I feel that there is much more waiting for me, I just have to overcome my fear,” she explained.