Expectation vs. Reality: The Mother I Wanted to Be and the One I Truly Am

Reflections of a mother who compares what she thought her life with children would be like and how it really is: gratifying but nothing like the stereotypes they imagine.I always had a very particular, almost idyllic, and quite naive vision of what my life would be like when I had children. Now I realize that apparently I saw a lot of commercials on television about it.

Since I was always organized and characterized by maintaining control over my goals, I had the idea that motherhood would be one more step or another project on my agenda that would perfectly fulfill each of its facets.

That vision of a perfect world is due to the fact that, having been an only child, I never had toys damaged by brothers or had to fight for my place in the world.

Having children would be like she dreamed, although there were those who said how could she be so innocent. Well, I think I’m not the only one who thought that way, because theory has nothing to do with practice; not even training as a weekend aunt prepares you for real life, which is every day of the week, 24 hours a day. daily.

And here I want to share beliefs between the fantasy world that motherhood was for me and parenting in the real world.

1. I thought my love and patience would be limitless.

And no, it is not. I put up with a lot, and I’m a dead volcano, but sometimes they push me to the limit, and then the ground creaks, but that’s okay, so they know they’ve crossed the limit.

And yes, many times I think about going away and living alone on an island forever, but hey, I know I won’t, and I also teach my little ones how far is enough.

2. I thought that having children would make me feel complete.

But it turns out that that phrase is a cliché because it is true that they fill my life, and if I had not had children, I would have always been thinking about what a life with children would be like. However, they are not my whole life, because I have my life as a working woman who spends time whenever she can. They complement me without a doubt, but I also have my own space for permanent personal growth.

3. I thought I was not going to worry so much.

I imagined being that relaxed mom; it wouldn’t be like those anguishes, but the truth is that as soon as these little people came into my life, I always feared for them, and every good mother knows that it is so.

4. I thought it was going to be like Mary Poppins.

Before having kids I imagined being so didactic and fun, I would be the ideal mother reading stories every night and taking advantage of every moment to educate: a rain, the museum, everything would be a school.

But hey, raising children is sometimes like being in the army: getting up, cooking, ordering, shopping, keeping a house, doing homework, snacks, dinner… So sometimes I let the television or the iPad be the babysitter to lull you to sleep because I’m really exhausted. I know it’s not ideal, but sometimes I can’t take it anymore.

5. The Soccer Mom

For me it was a movie thing… but horror! That mom who takes the kids to soccer and all the problems that means for my life plans – things would not be like that.

You can see my calendar now on the fridge. We have notes when we have games and practices, and I enjoy them! But above all, now that I understand what soccer is like, I adore it!

6. I thought baby time was the best part.

It is true that I cannot deny that I adored their faces, their little cheeks – all the tender parts of that age. But as they grow, my love also evolves.

I am happy about the independence they have; I am proud that now they sleep through the night and go to the bathroom by themselves, but I realize that they are growing, so my feelings are ambivalent. Not to mention how they surprise me with their opinions of things and their correct vision of the world, given their still childish gaze.

7. He believed that love between siblings would prevent fights.

As an only child, I didn’t know what it was like to share and fight with brothers, so I thought that it didn’t matter if my children fought because they would have each other for life. But we go! There are days when I wonder why I didn’t keep just one. And sometimes I feel guilty… Who wouldn’t?

And all these are the differences between the mother I wanted to be and the one I truly am.

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